Jun 302004

d i s t ur b e d   d a v e

about my new bald look. So, here you go.
As you can see, I was just checking to see what the status of the armpit hair was when they fired off this shot.
I guess cancer has made me a little more grumpy than before, but I am thankful that I could roll it all up in a package and turn it into a lucrative summer tour. Thank Christ I already have the leather pants.
And hey, are you liking those new piercings?
I know I am.

Spike… the oh so sleepless

 Posted by at 1:27 am
Jun 282004

I don’t mean to get all Elizabeth Kubler-Ross on your ass, but I have a couple of things to say.
Actually, I have a more than a couple of things to say, and a bunch of them have nothing to do with cancer, so if you are only here for the cancer bits, I’ll try to get that bit up front and leave the rest of the non-toxic rants for the bottom of this post.

Okay… let’s rant.
First of all, I have been really really impressed with how cool and supportive people have been to me since I got diagnosed. I am humbled, really, by how swell people have been. People have shown up from the past and have been spectacular. My nearest and dearest have gone well above and beyond the call and have just kind of surrounded me and kept it all moving and safe.
I am more grateful for all that than I think most people can understand.
And I try to say what I am grateful for lately, and what I am happy about lately and to be attentive to what is so cool and I forgot to notice it or mention it lately.

And now I want to talk about something that bugs me about this whole cancer bullshit thing but I am not sure that I will. Or that I know how to talk about it, yet.
See, people have been great, and I don’t mean to take away from that. But today, I had someone I know say something that was basically ignorant and assinine to me, and it was from someone I expected better from, someone who I respect, and I find myself still gobsmacked from the conversation even 5 hours later. And, oddly, I don’t even know if she realized how much she horrified me with what she said. So, my head is spinning around slowly, trying to make sense of it and be more forgiving. It was just a totally strange and moralistic thing that got said in the middle of talking about me being sick.

See, I have yapping about this cancer business and a lot of the details for a while now. If you know me at all, you’d know that isn’t my style. But I think it’s important. I don’t know why it’s important, but it is and I can’t seem to stop myself. Blame my medication if you’d like, but I am all new-born yappy and you know how to work a mouse so if you didn’t want to read this, I assume you’d click on something else or go back to work or something.
And in talking about it, I really have wanted to be available to people if they have questions. Because this is weird shit and I certainly didn’t know squat about it 4 months ago, and I don’t expect anyone else to either (unless they have a white lab coat and a vial of my blood).
So, if you want to know, feel free to ask, politely, and I will answer you as best I can.
But don’t, for the love of god, make shit up.
Don’t give me some other sort of cancer or any other disease and don’t assume that it’s no surprise I have cancer because I smoked for all those years. Spare me that, okay? And if you can’t spare me, at least have the small bit of good taste to keep that to yourself.
And just to set the record straight, one more time, according to my oncologist, the 2 reasons I have ovarian cancer are because 1) I am a woman and 2) I live in North America.
It isn’t a nicotine related thing.
And in case you missed it, I quit smoking.
Now, as my girlfriend has pointed out, having ovarian cancer does not immunize me against any other kind of cancer, and in fact I have had a big ass chest x-ray and I will be having a CT scan and we will make sure everything is going okay. But barring any further disasters, could we just stick with what is real? I’d really appreciate that.

I guess it’s interesting that I would have this weird social encounter today, because yesterday was a bit of a milestone in its own right as well. See, up till now, when it comes to social things we have played everything by ear, we have surrounded ourselves with our closest peeps and we haven’t had to have too many conversations with people who don’t know I am currently sick.
But last night we went to a friend’s birthday party and it was all very nice and fun and cool. But it was also really different, because I realized that I was out of the house and around strangers, and I am not the same as other people anymore. I’m not a regular person anymore, and that is kind of a hard pill to swallow, if you’ll forgive my pun. I came home and thought about that and got kind of rattled by that.
I am not happy about that detail at all, and, unfortunately, I think I just have to come to terms with it.
That’s going to take some work.
This isn’t my area of expertise.
See, it was all okay while I framed it like a big swell party where people pay me lots of attention and if I say I’d like gelato, blam… I have gelato before you can shake a stick.
So, it’s a lot more fun to get your gelato fast because you think you are part of the royal family than it is to find out you get your gelato fast because you are basically not on the same footing as your peers anymore.
I am struggling with this.
And, let’s be serious, I am *not* on the same footing as my peers anymore.
It’s just taking me quite a few weeks to look at that for the first time.
And it’s going to take even longer than that to get okay with it.

Anyway, I have been struggling with ‘accepting’ that my life has taken a major shift.
Not so happy about that part at all.
Still, I am trying to enjoy myself when I can, and I am actually managing to pull it off.
I went for a walk to return some videos tonight, and while that would have been a bit of a chore a few months ago, tonight it was a delightful walk thru the streets of my neighbourhood. It was a lovely night and I went out by myself, which is an actual accomplishment some days, and it was just really, really nice. It felt really good to just wander down the street and look at the things people are growing in their gardens and enjoy the early evening. It was great.
So, parts of it are really being good for me.
On one hand, I have this huge source of stress in my life and on the other hand, I am much more aware of the fact that sometimes you just roll with the punches.
Of course, this too could be blamed on the adjustments to my medication.
Stay tuned.

All right.. now the last part, the part that has nothing to do with cancer, but I feel like ranting and you logged on so you get what you get.

As my fellow Canadians will know, there is a federal election this evening.
All around my city, there are campaign signs.
No big deal, this happens with every election.
Friends have asked me if we are going to put up a sign and I always find myself feeling really uncomfortable with the concept of advertising who I would vote for (as if that was an area of any suspense.)
But I wondered about that for a while, and here is my thinking.
I am all for people voting, and talking about political issues and arguing and doing all that.
And if you want to put up a little sign that says “Lupo the Butcher For Mayor”, well, I think that’s fine. Except, I just want one thing.
I think that if people are going to put up little campaign signs on their yards, then they should be automatically obliged to keep those signs up till the next election has happened. Like… 4 or 5 years.
See, somehow, all these scallywags like Gordon Campbell and George W Bush are getting elected. Well, they seem to take office, though no one ever admits to voting for them. Now, all skullduggery aside, I think some stupid bastards must have voted for the wankers.
And, I think if people are stupid enough to vote for them, then part of the cross I must bear as a carbon based life form is to endure this punishment for 4 – 5 years.
But what I want is to be able to look around, say 6 months into the term of the next stupid government, and be able to walk down the street and knock on your door and say, “Oh, excuse me, neighbour, but I notice from your yard sign that you thought Gordon Campbell is the best thing since organic wheatgrass juice, perhaps you could explain a few things to me, now that things are starting to take shape.”
I’m all for voting and participating in the democratic process, I just think there needs to me some more long term accountability than a hunk of plastic swinging in your front yard. You know, I am all about the loyalty, really. How about you folks with the lawn signs make a promise to stand by your man, eh? Is that so wrong, or spooky? Are you just afraid to commit?

Well, it’s bath time for garbanzo.
I hope you’ve all learned a lot here tonight, comrades.

Stay tuned, cuz you know it will be different next time.

 Posted by at 9:02 pm
Jun 272004

it’s another thing, and I guess in the big scheme of things, the things that have been screwing up for us lately haven’t been as bad as they could be.
Like, we got the first round of blood tests back, and things are looking good. I’ll get more info about what’s what when I see my GP on Monday, but all in all, things are apparently look good.

Anyway, I am feeling fairly good, this far after the chemo, and as always, I have no idea what happens next.
I had every intention of going out, at least briefly, last night, cuz there was some more of those swell Vancouver dykes doing a swell Vancouver fundraiser for me and the Little Woman, but it just couldn’t happen in the end (leaving the house, I mean, I am pretty sure the fundraiser happened.)
But I do want to say a big thank you to the Stacy and the folks at Lick and all those lovely drag kings. Thanks, you guys.
I swear I would have made it if I could and I do appreciate the thoughts and the huge effort.

So, life is okay… different… interesting.
My doctor tweaked my meds a bit and I may crash later in the week, that remains to be seen. Right now I have a bit of a ‘headstone’ going on, I am not completely sure why, but it’s interesting and I have decided that the best thing to do is just roll with it and try not to hate it and take it from there.
Still, if I had any sense, I would log off right now and not reveal the secrets that happen within these walls.
But who ever said I had any sense?

But as I always say, it’s the little things.
Okay, Elaine’s van dying in the suburbs is maybe more than just a little thing.
But it has seemed that since I got sick, lots of little things are screwing up. Okay, some of them are bigger than little, but lots of things are just going screwey and I guess it’s the stress and the busy-ness of it all and like that.
Now, we all know about the little incident with the van clipping my door.
Yesterday I had this *need* to go buy some free run/organic chicken. I think it was as much about a need to do *something* and to assert some independence as it was about any poxy old chicken.
So, with no vehicle to safely drive, I got on my bicycle and zig zagged down the side streets of the east end. That was interesting, and I am happy to report that the chicken and I all made it back home. It was a true sensory adventure. I am sorry I can’t share it with you all.

Anyway, we’ve been telling you a lot about some of our bigger disasters around the home, but I thought it might be time to detail some of the smaller ones.
Like how a couple of weeks ago, I opened the dryer to grab some clothes and looked down and saw my favorite watch laying on top of my jeans, inside the dryer.
I love this watch… it was love at first sight with me and this watch, and there it was, all sterile and the face plate turned sideways from being clonked around. It’s trying desperately to limp along, and if anyone knows of a cheap little jewellry or watch shop, preferably in the hood, please let me know. I have other watches, but this one is far and away my favorite and I think it deserves a chance at a second life.

And then there was today’s little mini-disaster.
I am trying to eat/drink as many smoothies and other good things as possible. Just a little something to try to help offset the toxins I am ingesting.
Anyway, Elaine had an appointment coming up and I needed to get some food in my belly so I could take my medication, so I made us a smoothie.
It was lovely. All organic and good. It had organic melons and organic mango, organic berries, organic yogurt, banana, orange, apple, and a whack of juice, and it was all going to be so lovely and delicious and good for us.
So, I mixed it all up and flipped the switch, and I noticed that the blender was making more of a howling sound than usual, but I figured it was just working hard trying to plough thru all that frozen goodness. So, I just ignored it.
Elaine, hearing the great grinding sound from the other room, asked if I thought we would have to replace the blades soon. I don’t know why that comment made me stop and check out the situation, but I did. So, I stopped the blender and dug a spoon in there to see what was what, and out came the little clear measuring cup lid that slides into the bigger plastic lid.
Now, this would be easier to feel okay about if it had been *my* blender, but it ain’t. It’s Elaine’s and it’s a damn nice blender, or it has been up till recently.

Anyway, I mostly wanted to say that because I think lots needs to be said about how much Elaine is doing, and enduring, and balancing, and tolerating, and I think she deserves an enormous amount of credit for going thru all this with me.
And I sure do appreciate it, because I am more of a space cadet now than I used to be, and I thought she was brave before I got sick.
So, I suggest, on top of it being Gay Pride everywhere but in Vancouver, that we agree to make today the “Hooray for Elaine Being So Swell to Spike Day”.
I know there are some marketing types out there who can turn this into a huge money-maker.

Okay… off to see what other damage I can cause before sundown.

Spike of the poached brain

 Posted by at 12:28 pm
Jun 242004

I just wrote a whole chunk of info about ovarian cancer, because it seems like people either get it confused with other types of cancer, like cervical cancer or breast cancer or whatever. And then I accidently hit the wrong button and that was the end of that.

The bad news about ovarian cancer, in case anyone needed more bad news about any type of cancer, is that there is no good test for it. It doesn’t get caught with a pap test and there is no equivalent to a mammogram.
Mine got caught because my girlfriend kicked my ass until I did something about the lump in my guts that turned out to be benign but was neighbouring in there with the actual cancer we are now dealing with.
So, as I keep saying, my cancer being caught at this stage is a complete fluke.
And still, it is staged at 3C, which isn’t anything to take lightly.
You can go online and find lots of very scary survival rates for someone in my shoes, but my oncologist says I have a 50/50 chance of dying of old age and since he has all the specifics, I’ll go with that assessment.
The good news for me is, most women get diagnosed when they are about 10 to 20 years older than me, so I expect I may have a bit more spunk to get thru this.
I also have a remarkable support system and people who are just generally looking after me. I am on a couple of e-mail lists and the women on those lists seem to often have to continue with all the same old expectations they ever had and that they don’t get much help. They make dinner for their families, they iron their husbands shirts, they get screwed by their insurance companies, and they don’t ever seem to get really pissed off about how tired and awful they feel. Needless to say, I don’t post a lot to this list.
I think I am really lucky to be so well taken care of, not just by Elaine but also by the big gang of close friends and less close friends and aquaintances and co-workers, and from 10 years ago former co-workers and on and on. It’s really shocking to me all the people who have jumped out of the woodwork to help, people I haven’t talked to for years. It’s amazing and I really appreciate it.

I also feel really lucky that when my girlfriend comes home and finds me asleep in the middle of the day, she thinks that’s a good thing. (Though I have been training her with the afternoon sleeping for a few years.) I believe that having the time to rest and not grind myself into the ground will make a big difference.

Also, my surgery was done by a gynocologist/oncologist, and that makes a huge difference because when surgeries are performed just by gynocologists, they aren’t as well skilled at knowing what bad parts to take out and where to go looking for their secret hiding places. I have read stuff that say the type of doctor who does the surgery has a huge impact on how well one bounces back.
And since the original predication was that the surgery would take 45 minutes and it took 2.5 hours, I would say that my surgeon was pretty thorough. I can say that because he said he promised that he removed every bit of cancer that is visible to the human eye. I don’t know if I would have got that from a gynocologist. So, I feel lucky. I most certainly didn’t feel lucky when I woke up from the surgery. I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but I am grateful in retrospect.

I have spent a bunch of time, going through a wide spectrum of emotions about this whole situation. And for me, here is the bottom line.
Early on in my diagnosis. someone who has survived cancer mentioned to me that she was cranky and stubborn and it was her observation that people with these characteristics seem to have a high survival rate.
Now, you can hear all kinds of things about the different attitudes people bring to all this, and I can swear to you that anyone in this position will experience a lot of different attitudes and emotions over a small course of time.
I have decided that since Elaine says I am probably the most stubborn person she has ever met, when it comes to certain things, I am going to work from that perspective and make it work for me.
I have a few ex’s who may chime in that I am downright bull stubborn when it comes to some stuff.
You see, I am just so completely not willing to let this thing get me. There’s plenty to endure and there will be a lot to learn and there will be a lot of changes to life in general by the time we make it to the other side.

But the other side will have the wedding of the two dykes least likely to wed.
See, now *that* was the long shot, that Elaine and I would get married. Much lower odds than me beating this cancer crap…just because we are both just a tiny bit jaded.
But hell, if I am going to take her nice cozy life and shake it up, and shake it some more, and then some more and do that for 6 to 8 months, I think that is she still wants me after I get to the end of this, well, hell, that would just be so great.

Anyway… the link where you can learn as much as you ever want to know about ovarian cancer, from the folks who know.

here you go

Ovarian Cancer Canada

They have lots of groovy little drop down windows that give you more info.
And hey, it’s local. Their address bears a striking similarity to the address where I have my chemo treatments done… hmmm, what’s up with that?

 Posted by at 2:37 pm
Jun 242004

I just found this e-mail in my in-box.
I must say, I live in a really great city, surrounded by some really fabulous people.
Spiked Punch

Shit. It’s no wonder my GP says she wants to come back in her next life as a dyke, the way people are looking after us, (not to suggest the non-dykes in our world haven’t been spectacular as well.)
A big thanks again to the VWL for helping us out with their gig and taking a bite out of the cost of organic food for us. And a big thanks to Stacey and all those scantily clad Lick staff who keep the crowds coming back and helping keep us in organic foods for a while longer.

You guys are the best!
Thank you.

 Posted by at 1:25 pm
Jun 242004

I know you hear cartoon characters threatening to do this all the time, but it just happened to me.

Spike’s head is shaved, but the hair-falling-out process is in no way complete, and she’s got 3rd-day stubble all over her head.

This morning, teacup and cereal bowl in hand, I tiptoed up behind her in her chair and bent over to place tender kiss on her crown –when suddenly, at the merest touch of my lips, she whipped her head around.

It was like I’d kissed a running circular sander.

There was a rasping noise, followed by my leaping backwards, in turn followed by my muffled squeaking as I frantically checked for lip function.

Then we laughed until we hiccuped.

“I thought you were coming to kiss me on the lips!” Spike said, setting us off laughing again.

It’s a short while later, and my lips still hurt. But I’m smiling anyway.


 Posted by at 9:42 am
Jun 232004

well, it’s the morning after the second chemo treatment and I am feeling pretty good. Though last time it took a few days for the full extent of the ickiness to catch up to me. I am cautiously optimistic that this time will be better.
A few things have happened to make me hopeful of that, all of which came about from meeting with the oncologist and the nurse on Monday.
For yesterday’s chemo treatment, they included Gravol in the meds that they give me to prepare me for the chemo. (There is a small whack of them that I get so I can handle the chemo better).
It really helped to get the Gravol before I started the chemo and it meant I finished up about an hour faster than last time (when I crashed and they had to stop everything and give me gravol and then hook me up again).

So, yeah, yesterday was pretty okay, nothing to complain about.
We switched things around a bit and I took Romey, one of my head shaving buddies, and left the Little Woman at home.
One thing that happened was they gave me the Gravol and some Benadryl in an IV drip as prep for the chemo and I could feel myself falling asleep within about 5 minutes of getting it. I quickly grabbed my discman and slapped the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in and sat there listening to it and listening to the nurse brief the other nurse on who was doing what so she could cover the lunch break.
All of a sudden, I woke up and it was 3 o’clock and the regular nurse was there and there was no sound coming out of my discman, and I realized I had been having a very very deep sleep for a couple of hours. Romey tells me I was doing some world class snoring in the room full of strangers doing their chemo, which is odd because I am not much of a snorer in real life. The women in the room avenged themselves by talking about their wigs for a very long time. God bless the discman!

Basically, I am pretty happy with how things went yesterday and so far today.

I am shocked at how busy that Cancer Agency is. It’s all timed as precisely as possible and people are there to take a treatment chair just as soon as it is empty and cleaned up and ready to go.
On Monday, we had to go to a waiting room at the Cancer Agency while we waited to meet with my medical peeps. We walked thru a small door way into a room that expanded out into a large square and had seating for about 60 people and the room was packed. It took us a few minutes to find a spot in the room where there were two seats together, that’s how crowded it was, and I assume, always is.
That’s what horrifies me. If this was some freaky little weird thing I had going on, that would be one thing, but it shocks me how many people are dealing with cancer, right now. And then there are all the folks who have already dealt with it.
It’s just so prevalent, I find that horrifying.
I don’t mean to sit around pondering the obvious, but I think we are doing something wrong as a culture if this many people are sick.
Cuz cancer is just one of the ways people get sick…
Anyway…there’s your cheery morning message.

I’ll go water the garden and drink my coffee, and maybe listen to the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy again, since I slept thru it yesterday.

 Posted by at 9:45 am
Jun 212004

Just a quick update because I have to get some sleep before my big chemo date tomorrow.

We went to the Cancer Agency today to get (even more) bloodwork done.
It was weird to be back there. I was really less than enthusiastic to be back, sort of like a dog realizing that the car has arrived at the vet’s office.

Anyway, we did more bloodwork and then met with the oncologist and the chemo nurse that are handling me for this drug trial.
It was good to sit down and recap what has been happening and find out that stuff is going in a pretty normal way. Except they say that most folks don’t get as sick as I did/do from the chemo.
I said, “That’s because I am really quite delicate.” and the chemo nurse, without looking up from her paperwork, snorted and then laughed quite hard.

The chemo nurse gave me a quick run down on how my blood tests are looking, which is basically really good, though don’t ask me to explain what that means because I only remember her saying the word ‘good’ quite a few times. Maybe Elaine can fill in the details.

So, the doctor adjusted the meds a wee bit, like I now have a bag of Gravol automatically as part of my chemo, and he gave me a script for a couple of new meds, so we will see. The plan is to have this round be a bit less gruelling than the last time. Fingers crossed. And I will be on the steroids for 4 or 5 days this time, instead of 3 like last time. That’s good news because when I came off the steroids last time, I really started to feel like crap.
But the steroids keep me awake.
On an up note, that will give me time to catch up on some of my e-mail and stuff, because I have fallen way behind in the last while.

Anyway, off to bed and then off to chemo.
Wish me luck.

 Posted by at 11:16 pm
Jun 192004

Whoa… I’ve been feeling pretty good this week. Really, it’s been about 90% of what normal feels like, and for that, I am grateful.

I was visiting today with a friend who lives on the other side of the park by my house. I was walking back to my house and I remembered that two weeks ago I tried that same walk between our houses, less than a 5 minute walk for a regular person, and I had to turn back and go home because I just couldn’t walk that far.
And today it feels like that happened years ago.
But I have to be careful when I am feeling good, because it is easy for me to overextend myself.
Still, I spent some time working on the garden and put a couple more bedding plants in because the yard was not very colourful, and I was happy about that.

So, this last week is the 3rd week of the first chemo cycle and I spent the first couple of weeks feeling like garbage wrapped in skin, and now I get a bit of a break.
Of course, in the middle of feeling better, I have also become the professional patient. I ended up going to 3 different medical appointments just today and it was actually supposed to be 4 but some paperwork got lost in the shuffle. And I may just get a faucet head attached to one of my veins for the amount of my blood that they drain out of me. Still, the blood work is good and it keeps everyone aware of what’s going on, so I will suffer through that (with my eyes squeezed shut and my head turned the other way.)

Anyway, I have been feeling better and I have been trying to do some nice stuff for myself because I know next week is going to be a bugger.
I was fortunate enough to get plunked on the back of one friend’s bike on Wednesday and a different friend’s bike on Thursday. That was really, really really great. It has been really hot this week and it felt great to just go cruise around and have the sun shine on me and zoom around.
On one ride we went up the Sea to Sky highway and it was completely magnificent. It was postcard beautiful and the air felt amazing on my skin.
It was really nice to get out of the city, even for a couple of hours.
It was really nice to have that really clean air for a few hours.
It was all really really great.
I will say that it is completely weird and more than a little uncomfortable to have a hot flash while wearing a full face helmet and driving on a windy bit of highway, but ultimately it just adds to the memories.

I was also really happy that Elaine went and had a marathon massage and was all jelly-like when I went to pick her up. That was probably almost as relaxing for me as it was for her.

And now it’s late, and I should be asleep, but I felt like I should write something, and now I have, so it’s off to bed for me, amigos.

 Posted by at 2:39 am
Jun 152004

We were driving over the viaduct yesterday and the Cirque du Soleil was packing up and heading out of town.
I remember last year when they left town, I was leaving work as their semi’s drove down Hastings Street. It was really cool and kind of sad, all in the same moment.
Anyway, yesterday, we drove by as they were taking it all apart.
Same thing, kind of cool and kind of sad.
I just want to say again how happy I am that Elaine and I got to go see Quidam this year, that was so great. And it was good that we saw the show before I started the chemo.
Thanks to the artistically minded elfish sorts of friends who made that happen.
I know I have said it before, but this whole nasty thing is so much easier to manage because of all the kindness and support we are being given.
So, thanks.

And, that said, I think me and the Missus are going to try to do something nice with each other today.

Later, comrades

 Posted by at 9:50 am
Jun 142004

First of all, I want to say a huge thanks to the VWL and all the folks who went to their fundraising event, aka “Spike-Aid”. You guys are so sweet! A huge, big, enormous thank you to all the folks who went there and did something and had some big fun too (from what I hear ) and then thought about me and my situation.
I’m sorry we couldn’t make it. It’s always a balancing act in my mind now, before I go out in public, deciding how well I feel in that moment and weighing it all out. I wish I could have come to it, and I awfully happy that people were so kind and thoughtful.

You guys are the best!

I’ve been feeling better each day till now I feel, dare I say, almost normal, and I went out and bought a whack of organic produce and stuff.
I heard a rumour that we are going to be getting a delivery from SPUD soon. That’s cool, but I do enjoy going out and shopping for organic stuff when I feel up to it and it was fun to go out and get a box of produce this weekend.
We now have a rather enormous stack of organic produce and it is my hope that we consume it all by next week and start again.
That’s my plan.
I hear these raw foods are a good way of eating.

But yeah, every day I am feeling a little better and I am basically feeling like I am back to my regular self for this week, though I really have to exist in a state of modified ‘regular-selfishness’, because I could run myself down really easily and because I still have to be awfully careful about being around big groups of people. (I’m still trying to figure out how to do Pride this year.)
So I seem to be getting a bit better every day. I even spent about an hour working in the yard yesterday! That was pretty exciting for me.

I did get to see the new Harry Potter movie this weekend.
That was fun.
I liked it, but I think I need to see it again when it comes out on dvd.

So, as far as I can figure, I have this week to enjoy and then next week I do chemo again and we start the cycle all over again.

For me, one of the weirdest things about my life changing so fast and being sick, even if I don’t always feel sick, is trying to find some balance in things.
At first I thought about cancer all the time, all the time, all the time.
Then that started to mellow a bit, but I’d be lying if I said it was anything like how normal people think about it.

Right now, I think Elaine and I are still learning about how to balance the timing of everything in our lives.
Just a word of endorsement for my lovely g-f now…
See, my g-f used to have a lot more free time, she used to be able to have a whim and follow it, she used to be able to leave the house without arranging for a sitter, she used to get a minimum of about 50 hours a week of time without me crashing around the house in another room.
She says she likes me being in the house, and that’s pretty lucky for me because it would be cold standing around outside in November when I have no hair.
Anyway… Elaine has had a huge balancing/juggling act and I just want to make sure everyone understands what she has been doing lately.
Because she has been trying to do lots of work so she can have balance out the chunks of time when all I can do is lay on the couch and have her look after me.
She’s been looking a little crispy around the edges and I hope people are being kind and understanding with her.
So, just because I am feeling better, please realize that Elaine is still under a rather enormous strain and may or may not be able to hang and chat or whatever.
S’cool, eh?
And also bear in mind that in a week, it will all be different again.
And so on, and so on.

I have to go get some bloodwork done.
I start another treatment next Tuesday, the 22nd, so we will be going underground again around that point.

Roger Dodger
Over and Out

 Posted by at 10:43 am
Jun 112004

Right… it was a bad day.
Bad day. Bad.

Anyway, if anyone knows someone who does auto bodywork….
I haven’t actually driven my truck since before my surgery, which is why my battery died.
And it’s pretty likely that I won’t be needing to drive my truck anytime real soon, though I did have this idea that it was important to keep my truck on the road.

Yeah… so, if you know of anyone who loves to do bodywork type repairs to trucks, and works cheap, do put them in touch with us, eh?

 Posted by at 9:58 am
Jun 102004

So today I had a lot of things to do in my little home office, and great deal of things to do outside the home, and for some reason I didn’t want to leave to do the outdoor things. I hemmed, I hawed, I kissed Spike, I procrastinated, I took a bath, I did some work on the computer… and finally I said “Okay, okay, I have to go, Spike, shall I jump your truck(‘s dead battery) for ya before I leave?”
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 Posted by at 5:44 pm