Something Evil This Way Comes

OVCA in the news…

(not that this reminds me of how pissed off I am that the locum who was replacing my GP wouldn’t do a full physical when I complained of some pelvic weirdness. Poor little gender-confused fella, didn’t want me dropping my drawers, I reckon. Not that I mind, in retrospect. Poor fella.)

This story, scooped from here

Diagnosing Ovarian Cancer Earlier

(Ivanhoe Newswire) — It may be possible to detect ovarian cancer sooner than once thought. A new study finds many women with the disease have symptoms at least four months before they are diagnosed.

Researchers from the University of California Davis School of Medicine in Sacramento found women with ovarian cancer were at least twice as likely to see a physician for abdominal swelling or pelvic pain as early as 12 months before they were diagnosed. Nine months before diagnosis, the women were more likely to complain of abdominal pain. However, only about one-fourth of the women with these symptoms were tested for ovarian cancer in a timely manner.

The study authors conclude, “Our findings suggest that ovarian cancer could be diagnosed earlier in some patients whose diagnosis is delayed by at least four months because physicians order abdominal imaging or perform gastrointestinal procedures before they order a test more likely to diagnose ovarian cancer, such as pelvic imaging and/or CA125.”

Ovarian cancer is a fast-growing tumor, progressing from the early stage to advanced stage of the disease in as little as a year. It is usually diagnosed in the late stages when prognosis is poor. This study adds to the increasing evidence that patients may have symptoms many months before ovarian cancer is diagnosed and before it is advanced.

It’s true, I went to see Dr. On-call-ogist last week and he blessed me and sent me forth to sin again.
I didn’t mention it here yet because I have been trying to figure my emotional reaction to the whole thing.
Because it’s all kind of weird.
See, I am happy, happy, happy that my test results are good.
Trust me, I am not unappreciative of all that.

But it’s getting hard to talk about life in the the shadow of cancer treatment.
I don’t miss chemo and all its accompanying disgusting icky crappy bits, not one bit.
But I feel like I am wandering in fairly uncharted territory in the post-chemo battleground, and it’s hard because most people just assume I am better.
Hell, I certainly look better than I did a year ago.
And I do feel better than I did a year ago.
But I am still pretty wrecked.
I find myself weeping for no apparent reason.
And that’s a little hard to explain, especially when everyone figures you are all cured up and happy to rejoice in the wonder of every single fabulous day.
Sometimes I feel more alone now, in the whole making-sense-of-whatever-the-hell-that-was than I did when I did the chemo.
People basically expect me to be back in the saddle and ready to ride, like nothing had ever happened. And in as many ways as I can, I try to oblige.
But I am kind of less than perfect these days.
I know that may come as a shock.

It’s all kind of bizarre.

I didn’t mention my test results because I feel like this is becoming more and more of a solitary thing I am doing.
It’s hard to talk about the gravity of the situation and the long term prospects without sounding… melodramatic or something.
So I am talking less and less about the thrilling world of cancer and life with cancer and life after chemo and all that carcinogenic jazz.
I don’t want to whine about it.
It’s just how it is.

So, yeah, my test results were good.
And I am happy about that.
And I am worried, in a low, rumbling kind of way, about what my future holds.
And it seems like everyone has resumed their old lives and I am trying to make sense of all this.
I gotta say, those OVCA bloggers make all the difference in the world.
It’s very odd to draw such comfort from a group of women who I have pretty much never met, with the exception of the exceptional Louise.

So, that’s my sad story, amigos.

I try not to get too maudlin here, but I am going to post this because I think there isn’t enough info on how bizarre life after chemo can be.

Today is the 60th anniversary of the U.S. bombing of Nagasaki.
80,000 people died, 74,000 of them almost immediately.

Today,I heard an interview on the CBC with one of the pilots.
They asked him if he felt any grief, in retrospect.
He said, no.
He said that the Japanese had been really mean to the American troops.
He didn’t seem to think there was anything that was extra fucked up about killing thousands of civilians, including all the children that would have been killed.
He said he had gone back to Hiroshima and Nagasaki a few years after the war.

Apparently, Nagasaki was not the original target. Kokoru was, but the Americans couldn’t fly there because there was a typhoon.
Imagine that.

Having gone through 8 rounds of chemotherapy, I find it hard to understand how seemingly normal people could drop that bomb and kill and poison so many people.
See, I had cancer, and people hopped on board and helped me.
Because cancer is awful and people feel compelled to help.

But somehow, it’s okay to drop an atomic bomb on a bunch of unsuspecting civilians and have them die totally awful deaths.
It’s okay to kill those people with a ton of deadly poison (that will stay in the atmosphere and kill lots and lots and lots of people over the years) because, well, apparently because it was important to end the war.
(And besides, they weren’t that pink colour that we so admire in each other, so they must have brought it on themselves.
Or something.)
And hey, don’t get me wrong. I think bringing WW2 to an end would have been a pretty big priority.
But apparently, ol’ President Truman had a bit more on his mind than just “ending the war”.
Apparently it was important to get an unconditional surrender from the Japanese and send a message to the Soviets and the Japanese and the rest of the world that the Americans were the big old bad ass super-power of the world and they weren’t afraid to pull out the big guns to prove their point.

So, happy anniversary.
Let’s all pause to think about how far we have come.

I’ve been waiting and planning and waiting and waiting for this for a long time.

See, I have wanted a new tattoo for a while.
And then I got sick, and I couldn’t get one, partly because I had no money but mostly because I had no immune system.
So, my g-f bought me the tattoo as a combo Xmas/birthday prezzie.

And then I waited and waited for the immune system to come back.
And then I waited and waited to get my appointment, cuz my tattoo dude has a long line up and I had to wait a couple of months.

Anyway, here is the finished product.
I could babble on about the why’s of it all, but basically, this guy taught me a long time ago that the opposite of fear is faith, and that seems like a good thing for me to remember these days.

Okay, I am loading up the truck and I am heading out of town to camp for a few days.
All by myself.
First camping trip I have ever done all by myself.
But the truth is, I have been a bit of a crabby old rat bastard the last while and I think I need some time to just sort through some things.
See, I don’t mean to suggest that doing chemo was easy, cuz it totally sucks great green monkey dicks.
But, here’s the thing…
Being back in the land of the normal, it’s kind of weird.
An awful lot happened to me and mine in the last 14 months or so, and I am feeling like I continue to scramble to make sense of what happened, catch up with the things that need to happen on a day to day level, and figure out what the hell I think I would like to do with my future, whatever that may look like.
And after cancer comes and rattles your cage, your perception of “the future” is kind of different.
Sort of how you might view “the future” if you had had your retina detached in a bar fight.

So off I go.
To sit among the mighty pines and mighty firs and just take some time to think about things.
And hopefully, to also take some time to not think about things.
Because frankly, this is the wildest ride I have ever been on.
And I am still trying to make sense of things, even though I am back on the ground.

Catch you again in a few days, campers.

this article can be found here:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=26694#

An American Cancer Society survey finds up to half of Americans mistakenly believe surgery can spread cancer, and more than one in four thinks a cure for cancer already exists but is being held back by a profit-driven industry. Results of the survey are published in the August 1, 2005 issue of CANCER (http://www.interscience.wiley.com/cancer-newsroom), a peer-reviewed journal of the American Cancer Society. The authors say it shows the American public is significantly ill-informed about cancer, and that most overestimate how much they know.

The medical management of cancer and cancer-related complications, such as pain, has significantly improved over the last three decades, as have survival rates for leading cancers. Still, studies indicate that a patient’s own cultural beliefs and understanding of cancer may influence health behavior, such as whether patients get regular screenings and undergo treatment.

Led by Ted Gansler, M.D., M.B.A of the American Cancer Society, researchers conducted a national telephone survey of 957 adults with no history of cancer to assess Americans’ understanding of the disease and its management, and identify any demographic characteristics associated with misconceptions. Participants were asked if five misconceptions were true or false.

The authors found only one in four (25 percent) of participants correctly identified all five misconceptions as false. Four in ten (41 percent) of the respondents believed that surgical treatment actually spread cancer in the body and 13 percent said they were unsure whether this was true. Twenty-seven percent believed that there is a cure for cancer available being withheld by the healthcare industry and an additional 14 percent were uncertain. Nineteen percent believed that pain medications were ineffective in treating cancer pain with another 13 percent saying they did not know. Nine in ten (89 percent) correctly disagreed with the statement that “all you need to beat cancer is a positive attitude,” but more than one in ten (11 percent) either thought is was true or did not know. A similar percentage (87 percent) correctly disagreed that “cancer is something that cannot be effectively treated,” but again, about one in eight (13 percent) either agreed or did not know.

People who were over 65 years, of non-White race, residents of the South, or self-identified as without much or any understanding of cancer were likely to hold more misconceptions. The survey found little relation between people’s self-assessment of cancer knowledge and the accuracy of their answers. For four of the five questions, there was no significant difference in prevalence of endorsement of the inaccuracies between the groups who called themselves “very informed,” “somewhat informed,” or “not very informed.” However, those who called themselves “not at all informed” were generally quite accurate when rating their own health literacy.

“These results indicate that public and patient education interventions are most urgently needed in cancer centers, medical practices, and other community organizations that serve large numbers of patients with these ‘at risk’ demographic characteristics,” conclude the authors.

I found this article on the Globe and Mail website yesterday but then it vanished into the land of the paid subscription.
Thankfully, it appears here as well

Text below:

Many believe the breast cancer-fighting drug Herceptin is being delayed needlessly by the Canadian government; unless emergency relief is provided, more lives will be lost.

Herceptin had been used by patients over the past six years for metastasized breast cancer patients with an excess of HER-2, a protein caused by a genetic mutation. Up to 30 percent of breast cancer patients have these symptoms, which makes the cancer much more difficult to treat. Three different studies have shown that Herceptin can treat this specific form of breast cancer at a much earlier stage than previous therapies.

Yet many patients cannot afford the $35,000 per year minimum price of Herceptin treatments, and insurance companies will not cover the drug because the medication has not been officially approved for use.

It is estimated that 115 women each month could see their symptoms return and eventually lead to death without use of the breakthrough breast cancer medication. Activist organizations are calling for Canadian government officials to invoke an emergency disaster relief program for patients at risk but unable to afford Herceptin treatments.

Dr Joseph Ragaz, director of McGill University Health Centre’s oncology program, sent information concerning Herceptin to various media outlets in hopes that increased awareness concerning the drug will bring policy changes. He believes the restrictions are hindering his ability to treat patients.

“It’s a big frustration. As a physician, you are on a sacred mission.” he said. “And the only reason you are being blocked from that mission is for fiscal reasons.”

well, it seems our place at the back of the bus is going to have to be handed over to surly teenagers.

This from the CBC website found here:

http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/2005/06/28/samesex050628.html

Same-sex marriage law passes 158-133
Last Updated Wed, 29 Jun 2005 10:45:06 EDT
CBC News

The Liberals’ controversial same-sex marriage legislation has passed final reading in the House of Commons, sailing through in a 158-133 vote.

Supported by most members of the Liberals, the Bloc Québécois and the NDP, the legislation passed easily, making Canada only the third country in the world, after the Netherlands and Belgium, to officially recognize same-sex marriage.

But the passage of Bill C-38, once again, came with a political price tag for the government. Joe Comuzzi, resigned from the cabinet so he could vote against the bill – an open rebuke of the government legislation.

Comuzzi was the minister responsible for Northern Ontario.

Although he was the only cabinet minister to break ranks with Prime Minister Paul Martin over the controversial plan to legalize the marriage of gays and lesbians, it highlighted the divisions within Canada and within the Liberal party, pitting supporters of equality rights against those who are defending religious freedoms.

For Comuzzi, the decision to resign meant putting principles ahead of the privileges of cabinet. “In 2004, during the election, I promised faithfully to the people of Thunder Bay-Superior North, that I would defend the definition of marriage,” he said, explaining his move.

The prime minister said he regretted the decision of a man he called an “old friend,” but accepts it because the government must speak with one voice on same-sex marriage.

The “vote is about the Charter of Rights,” said Martin. “We’re a nation of minorities and in a nation of minorities you don’t cherry-pick rights.”

The government has moved over the last few months to appease critics both within Liberal ranks and among Canadians at large. Amendments were introduced to ensure no religious group or charitable organization would be forced to accept same-sex marriage. But in spite of those amendments some groups remain unconvinced.

Same-sex marriage remains one of the most difficult issues ever to confront Canadian politicians. In large part passage of the bill is the reason the parliamentary session was extended for the first time in 17 years.

But while Tuesday night’s vote closes off the debate in the Commons, the Conservatives insist there is no closure for Canadians who believe marriage should continue to be defined as the union of a man and a woman, to the exclusion of all others.

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper says if his party forms the next government, the law will be revisited.

Harper made the promise one day after suggesting the adoption of the law lacked legitimacy because it relied on the support of the separatist Bloc Québécois. Harper said he believes Bloc MPs are the legitimate representatives of Quebec voters. But he argues most Canadians aren’t buying it as a final decision since most federalist MPs are opposed to same-sex marriage.

Harper says a Conservative government would hold a free vote for all MPs on the matter, rather than forcing cabinet ministers to vote with the government.