Well, here we are again, folks. It’s pretty damn hot here in my city and I am sweating like a little organic snausage. Okay, on second thought, maybe I don’t qualify as organic right yet. In fact, I may take a few years to get to the organic status, but I am willing to take the time and make the effort.
“So, what’s new?”, I hear you ask.
Oh, you know… not so much.
But I thought I ought to explain a thing to people because I, well, forget that that they don’t know. And you may think I am being cute and ironic when I say that, but no, I really mean that I forget.
Basically, these days I am likely to forget just about anything. If you are someone who has contact with me a whole bunch, it’s probably best if you know that my memory is totally for shit right now.
It’s a funny little thing that they call “Chemo-brain. You can read all about it on this other page or just pop the term into Google and learn up.
Anyway, that part of the whole chemo/cancer thing is pretty awful for me.
Folks who know me will know that there is this nasty little Alzheimer’s problem in my family and I have been watching that chew up my various relatives over the last 10 or 15 years, so having what seems like a dress rehearsal for my own episode is pretty freaky. Elaine, as alway, has been amazing and pats my head and keeps me from having a great big freak out. Well, she tries to contain the freak outs, sometimes they are big.
Anyway…. one of the reasons I write this, when I remember to write things here, is because I want people to learn as I go thru this. So, today I have decided that you should all learn about chemo-brain.
I am now pretty much halfway thru this round of treatment, and we are all hoping that one round of treatment is the beginning and the end of the story and I just walk out the door of the cancer clinic all cured up and a better person.
That’s what I am hoping and I know I have a lot of support on that score.
But it’s funny being at the halfway point.
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So, yeah, here I am at the halfway point.
I suppose today is really pretty much halfway thru the whole enchilada.
See, I do chemo on, say, a Tuesday. I feel okay on the Tuesday, I take a much of steroids and shite, and I drink a ton of water. Mostly I feel strange but okay-ish for a couple of days. Then, about a week after the chemo, it all starts to come to the surface and I am a wreck.
That’s where I am at today.
See, there are a bunch of things happening, and this my completely non-scientific account of that process.
By now, a week after the chemo, I am trying to taper off the meds and get some clarity in my head. Just go back and think about the whole chemo-brain issue if you need to understand.
But at the same time, the chemo makes me achy and it makes me low energy and I feel like crap.
Experience is teaching me that I just have to let all that stuff float to the surface, like letting a fever break. And then in the days that follow, I will feel better.
That’s where I am at right now.
I get cabin fever, I get bored with myself, I wish I believed in television. I dog my gf and think she has a fascinating life, writing code for websites and stuff.
This chunk pretty much sucks.
So, I started creating a list of rewards I want to give myself when I get thru this in December.
And then I thought that was funny, because really, I should just be pretty damn happy to get through it and stay alive.
That is the point of the exercise, no?
Can you tell I am a youngest child?
Anyway, it’s been brutally hot here and I have been entertaining myself with a long list of things I want, or things I miss and I thought I would share some of those things here.
Why, because it seems like the thing to do.
So, here are some links and stuff to things I like or places I want to be or something or other.
Starting off, here is where I wish I was. If it’s night time when you click the link, you should check back in daylight. It’s totally worth it.
Okay, while I was in Tofino, I wish I was staying here Pacific Sands Resort. It’s much more fancy than where we usually stay, but since I am just keeping my imagination is shape right now, I am going to go with the fancy-pants resort.
Okay, if I was really gonna be fancy, I’d go with the Wikkanninish Inn, but I am trying to stay within my class constraints.
I am also thinking of a new tattoo or two when I get to the other side of this.
Elaine has already done up the first draft of the art work and the plan is to go see a guy named Robe Hope who works at the Dutchman Tattoos. I have seen Rob’s tattoos on one of my friends and the work is excellent.
If you want to see the work he does, have a peek here:
This is a good example of the detail and shading he does. I chatted with him at the Vancouver Tattoo Convention and he seems like a really nice guy.
Also, now that my appetite is creeping back, I have renewed my obsession for a good steak burrito or at least a way to make decent carne asada. I am having fond memories of eating yummy steak burritos in the Mission at El Farlito. It’s delicious and delightful. And now I am going to go eat some home made chips and salsa and try to believe that’s good enough.
And this may be kind of weird for some people to hear, but I really miss working and having a sense of purpose in my life and focusing on something bigger than me. This being a professional patient is boring after a while, even though people are really sweet and everything. I miss feeling like I could contribute and make a difference.
That part has been hard.
And I’d really like to get away from the city, even if it’s only for a little day trip. Everything is sort of complicated when it comes to moving me and my supplies, but hell, I feel like the summer is here and it’s slipping past me and I just want to spend a day at a lake with my sweetie before it’s all come and gone.
Wish me luck on that score.
Well, it’s getting really late and there is going to be a meteor shower tonight, and I think I am going to lay in the hammock and check it out.
I’ve had a swell time catching you up here tonight.
I hope you feel like it was time well spent.
And hey, don’t be a stranger.
And remember, kids, if you take enough drugs and stay up a long long time, you too can be this annoying.
Over and out.