Aug 092004

I am in my post-chemo week and things are kind of confused in my head. Not in any sort of tragic way, but the smaller details get pretty muddled right now and I get spun around quite easily. Like, my original chemo treatment was on a Monday. Then it went to bloodwork on Monday and chemo on Tuesday. Now we have moved to bloodwork on Tuesday and chemo on Wednesday.
I don’t know why this minor shift has me so confused. I can handle it when it comes to dealing with how the garbage schedule changes but for some reason this last week or so has been really hard to keep track of.
So, if you have been expecting some sort of contact or confirmation from me over the last while, this could well be why you haven’t heard from me.
That, and we have been having just a few more troubles with the olde e-mail. Honest. But I reckon it’s all good now.
Oh, and then there was this thing where my hard drive kind of kicked up its heels, so lately I have been logging in thru web-mail, which is kind of a drag but better than nothing. But web mail is less convenient for answering people and stuff.
So, you see, I have a billion good reasons to have not been in touch.

I guess if you came by here you are wondering how it is all going, so I’ll touch on that now.

Physically, things are getting better in a variety of respects.
I’m still pretty happy that my test results are coming in with such good numbers and I am trying to keep that in perspective. It’s good and at the same time, I still have a ways to go, like about 5 and a half years, before anyone is going to pat me on the head and tell me I am cancer-free. But I am happy with how it is all going.

Once again we adjusted my meds and I am getting some sleep this time, and that makes such a huge difference. The fact that the temperature has dropped a bit is a huge help as well, because now I have a better chance of being able to stay awake thru the night.

Pride week has come and gone and it was a good thing, but it also took a chunk out of me. All in all, I am glad it happened and glad that we participated the way we did, but I confess, sometimes I feel like people look at me and see some tragic figure, and that gets kind of emotionally tiring for me.I *want* to be regular and be treated like a regular person, even though I know I am not very regular right now. It’s tricky. I realize I do require some special considerations now. I guess I am still struggling with the humility that requires. Never my area of strength.

I keep wrestling with this urge to get out of town for the day and spend some time with my sweetie, just hanging out somewhere green, or on the ocean or something. I know I am going to be cranky as hell when it starts to rain and I realize I missed the chance to spend a day in the woods all relaxed. Okay, really what I want is a whole chunk of time out of the city, but my current medical logistics and financial humiliation make that basically impossible, so what I am after is a good long day in the woods or at the beach. Is that so much to ask?

I am off to spend the day dealing with government employees who may or may not be decent to me, who knows?
I certainly don’t envy them, but on the other hand, I don’t envy me either, so it would be nice if they could just do the right thing and fork over some rent money.

Well, I need to go shower and then go plead my case.

Later, amigos.

 Posted by at 10:37 am

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