Sep 272004

galiano bw.jpg

Do you know me?
Many people don’t. That’s why I carry the American Excess card.

Err… well, anyway…
It seems that the extra 30 pounds I have put on in the last few months, coupled with the lack of hair, eyebrows and eye lashes all add up to a confusing visual image for a few folks.
Today I had 2 different people, both of whom I have known for years in a casual kind of way, not recognize me.
I think that means I look different.
What do you think? You think I look different?

I am hoping that I have now turned the corner on feeling crappy from this last treatment.
This round has been brutal.
I *think* I am starting to rebound, but I can tell that rebound means something really different than it did a couple of months ago.
Mostly, without wanting to whine too much, I feel like I have been dipped in a light coating of wax every day for the last few months. Each layer is sort of insignificant on its own, but its cumulative effect is a bit much. And taken as a whole, the overall effect is that my entire sense of touch is wonky.
I also feel like I have had the flu for about the last 4 months, which, of course, isn’t true… but I feel worn out and just so tired of feeling crappy.
But hey… 2 more treatments and then, fingers crossed, I will be done.
That’s the big hope.

The end of all this treatment is close enough that I start to pine for feeling regular and I find myself making little activity to-do lists in my head.
I have been wanting a particular tattoo and I need to get my ear re-pierced and I can’t do either of those things till I get my immune system back, so I toss that around in my head.
But most of all, I am just looking forward to feeling sort of regular again and acting regular and going to work and all that jazz.
I realize most people I know wouldn’t miss going to work, and may think I am nuts to miss it, but I think lots of people would miss going to work too.
I mean, if I had been at Club Med for the last few months, then maybe I wouldn’t miss work, but I think I probably would.

So, this will be a short and sweet entry.

Apparently, I look different.
I suspect I am going to be looking a whole lot of different ways for the next while. I am really looking forward to growing my hair back when I can, so that will look different.
I suspect I am actually not done putting weight on, since I seem to put on about 5-10 lbs per treatment and I have 2 treatments left.
I am really looking forward to getting my body and my immune system back on track and heading back to the gym just as soon as I can, probably in the New Year.
Also, I saw a stationary bike at a second hand store the other day and I the more I think about it, the more tempted I am to go buy it, though I have no idea how much it costs. But the thing is, I have tons of time on my hands, and I can’t use my gym membership now, and I imagine sitting in front of the tv and pedalling and sweating out some of these toxins.
Now, some days I wouldn’t have the strength for much, but other times I think it would be really good.

I guess I should go see how much money they want for it.

 Posted by at 9:18 pm

  One Response to “Incognito”

  1. Spike,

    I can relate to you missing your work. It is like we lost some part of ourselves, our identity.

    The work you are doing right now is the most important you will ever do, making Spike well again. And you are almost there, two more. I know it is getting harder and harder. Please know how much love and support you have behind you.

    There is not a day goes by that you are not thought of.

    Be gentle with yourself.

    Love and hugs
    Fiona ( and Wayne too!)

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