Comments on: That which doesn’t kill us…

By: suburban girl Liz

suburban girl Liz — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 15:05:53 +0000

Anger, fear and guilt have been chronic visitors in my mind. I keep giving them the hint not to come back but they still return.
I try to “live in the opportunity” of my situation and ignore statistics mostly.( I give some credit to the ones in my favor.)
I try to keep up on the lastest development in treatment via the internet.
Sam, there is a better test than a plain CT called a PET scan. A radioactively tagged sugar is injected into the bloodstream and cancer cells absorb the sugar much faster than normal cells so the tumors light up on the scan. Even very small tumors that wouldn’t be seen on a regular CT can be detected.
Keep writing, Spike!

By: Sam

Sam — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 13:31:12 +0000

fear and anger and guilt.

guilt. It can be paralyzing for us. I have become pretty active in helping out… but it is hard, sometimes I want to stay away. I don’t want to know these women I work with. I’m afraid of the guilt we all feel if one of us gets sick.

anger. I’m angry that I can’t buy a house because I used all my money when I was sick. I’m angry because I am so afraid. I’m angry at my body. I’m angry that no one can tell me what caused this. I’m angry there are no answers.

fear. It seems as though every time I fart I go for a ct scan. There needs to be a better diagnostic test.

living. I got to live. I’m two years out… I’m exhaling a little bit now. I’ve got three more to go before I can exhale fully. Living for me means putting the bad shit aside (fear, anger, guilt) and just let myself see the beauty of every day life. There is lots of beauty there… I soak it in and try my best to add to it. I can’t let the fear guilt and anger stop me … I get to live.

Best of luck to you.

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 17:24:22 +0000

hey there Spike

I was just looking at my blog tag count and noticed that Fear is the single most frequently used tag in my blog entries about my various entanglements with cancer this summer-that-has-not-been-a-summer-at-all. My life is organized around fear these days, which is an incredible shift — like, a tectonic alteration of my previously known self. I dunno when or if that will change. Probably like many readers of your blog, I am drawn to it not just b/c our paths have crossed and criss-crossed over the years and I think yer fuckin eh smart and politically right on… but b/c your words express an incredible resilience and courage.
So keep on writing, and keep on keeping on.

big hug

Mary

By: Vicki

Vicki — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 02:28:07 +0000

Love the way you lay out the mixed feeling we struggle with as ovca survivors… I tend to be fairly even keel, but sometimes..
For example, on my April ct scan they found a nodule on my thyroid. My oncs decided not to delve into it… why I ask… because, you have bigger problems, after all you have – ADVANCED OVARIAN CANCER..
I guess that trumps anything else, short of an emergency type of situation.
So our mixed up feelings can and are fueled by life and survivorship.
Sage? no, our new lives.
Keep up the great postings Spike!! you put into words what I can’t express.
Vicki

By: Femmeflame

Femmeflame — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:25:37 +0000

I hear you.

That’s as sage like as I can get.