Comments on: It’s all good, so they say

By: Spike

Spike — Sun, 21 Aug 2005 00:21:22 +0000

Thanks, gals.
It’s a weird time and it must be true that misery loves company because it feels like a great relief to know I am not the only one who is all wonky now that I am clawing my way back to real life.
I mean, it still totally sucks but I feel less like having myself committed now that I know it’s not just me.

By: Mike

Mike — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 21:10:24 +0000

… No idea if this will make sense or not.. but.

I’m in a Daddy/boy relationship and my boy is presently in the hospital, dying. He has been since June 1. In the time between then and now, almost every week has involved a conversation at the hospital about “any time now”. And each day those of us going to see him first spend a part of the day assessing where he’s at.

Never knowing for sure, the only proof is whether or not he’s around the next day.

Every day some one asks, how’s things? Every day I’m faced with an increasingly uncomfortable feeling. How do I answer that? I mean… each day he’s alive and that’s about all I can tell you. He’s weaker than he was a week ago, but not much different from yesterday. He ate. He did what a body does with food. He slept. He woke up.

It’s draining and devestating on a daily basis to deal with it. But it becomes a thing about which I find myself thinking the same thoughts you just described. I should have things, other things to talk about. Who wants to hear, every day, what it’s like to be here? And when he finally dies… how quickly are people going to heave a sigh and fiiiinally be able to move on to something less melodramatic and tedious.

I don’t know how to approach this, or what words to say that help. Because I don’t know for myself what those things are. But… I do understand. Maybe that is something, yeah? Courage. Others will understand.

By: Louise

Louise — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 15:13:29 +0000

Will this work? Every time I’ve tried to comment over the last few days, it’s been thrown out (okay, two times).

We talked about all these things. And I don’t really know how to sort them out myself. Though physically I feel almost 100% again, I am definitely not there emotionally, and I don’t know if or when I will ever be. But like Jeannette said, it does get easier — or maybe it isn’t that it gets easier, but that you learn to adapt to the new state of emotionality, and you feel more at ease with yourself in that place. I don’t know.

But all that aside, congratulations on another pass from the doctor. Just don’t sin too much.

By: Jeannette

Jeannette — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 15:45:32 +0000

First, congrats on your tests. It really is great news. There is nothing like someone telling you everything is normal to make you anything but normal, as odd as that sounds. Even though I’m BRCA not OVCA, I relate so much with the OVCA bloggers myself (that’s how I found your blog). In fact, something you said really resonated with me, “Sometimes I feel more alone now…” It is so true. When you have been pushed to the edge of hell and clawed your way back it may feel great to be back initially, but you then realize you have seen and experienced something most around you have not. As much as we like to swear it doesn’t change us, how can it not? The further I get from treatment, the less solitary I feel and slowly I am beginning to feel normal again (whatever that means). I weep less, smile more and I’m starting to be comfortable with the post cancer me. Time heals and love heals and it certainly seems like you have pplenty of both.