Long time, no comment. But here I am. As I read about the uncertainty of cancer striking again, I think a few things. First of all congrats on the positive progress. I recently had a close friend go through chemo and be declared cancer free. I had another acquaintance succumb not that long ago too. I guess ya never know. But it seems like you both have done everything you can to get better.

Now my Daddy has fairly advanced lung cancer, is refusing chemo and still smokes like a chimney. While it is his choice, it is tough to know we only have 2-5 years or so. It is tough that he chooses some unhealthy things and that as a starving artist he can’t be kept as comfortable as I would like or be able to afford. He also has AIDS so he feels the chemo will kill him before the cancer. He did one round a few years back and won’t do it again. He is 60 and feels he has lived a good life.

But the positive part of all this is that the quality of those years he has left will be improved in knowing what limited time we have. Nothing like the threat of death to make you value good living more. And at least he gets to say goodbye as he wants on his terms. He has always lived his life on his terms and I would expect nothing different in his dealing with illness. I wouldn’t make the same choices, but I have to respect his.

Thanks for sharing your journey with this. Hugs to both of you!

It’s the invisible and uncombatible nature of the enemy that’s so… difficult.

Still learning….

The worst fear of my life came to pass, and I lost all that you now enjoy for ever. But the world goes on, and you get used to it, just like everything else. After a while, it’s just another fuckin’ thing that hurts, that’s all.

It’s never so bad that it couldn’t be worse, and this is one of the fundemental truths about the human predicament you just have to live with, or slash: those are the alternatives at bottom.

Spike could have been wrenched from you in an instant in a motor vehicle accident, by a fall in the shower, by a stray bullet in a drive by shooting, by countless other completely futile accidents to which mortal flesh is the heir. But she wasn’t: because of the skill and dedication of countless people, she had a fighting chance, and won, which is a heck of lot better deal than most people get on this rotten little midden heap of a planet.

So face your fear, and eat it. Draw an angry strength from it, and enjoy the victory that has been wrested from the vicious teeth of mortality. Snap your fingers in the face of death that is beaten back, but never vanquished. Eventually Spike will die, as will you, and I, and everyone else. It’s not the destination that matters, it’s how you choose to get there.

And travelling in fear sucks.

Francis

*hugs and kisses*

Lav

Hold fast Dear sister,& as I Know you are,experience each moment, hour & day to the Fullest …etch these in your garden of memories …as must she …for who really knows what will happen …despite what must seem some days like stacked odds.

If you two ever need anything …no matter how small ….please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely Wolf

I love you so much …

Fiona

I’ve nothing clever or heartwarming or charming to say. You’re a gift to each other; that much is clear. Thanks for loving someone I love very much.

J