Jan 132005

Okay, so here we are, 2 months since my last chemo treatment and a month before my first post-chemo bloodwork.
Kind of in limbo right now.

On one hand, I think it’s important to explain to people that, while my test results were looking really, really, really good during my treatment, that is not a guarantee that I am home-free and out of the woods and that everything is groovy.
Basically what it means is I made it through chemo and I am in the group my doctor “considers most optimistically”.
But I will be having tests every 3 – 6 months for the next 7 years and we will wait for test results and see what happens from there.
I just want to mention that because a few people have said things to me that indicate that they think that since I lived through the chemo process, I am good for life, so to speak.
It’s more complicated than that.
I am gonna spend the next 7 years looking over my shoulder and waiting and wondering, and… still, I’ll take that over what’s behind door number two.

So, in a month I go for my first post-chemo bloodwork. I am trying to be really calm about all that, and really, there isn’t much that can be done about it, one way or the other.
Still, in my mind, having a clean test the first time is obviously something I am hoping for. I’d like to see that the cancer hasn’t come back since I stopped doing the chemo. But I won’t know that for another month.

In the meantime, I am trying to reconstruct my life.
My hair is doing a good job of coming back. Elaine claims that there are days that she can see it grow longer over the course of a day.
Hopefully in the next month I can get back to being bandana-free.

My stamina is getting better, I guess, but I am still surprised by how easily I can get worn out.
I recently spent a day trying to do some legitimate work and it almost killed me by the end of the day. I couldn’t believe how tired I was!
And that was after 7 hours. I used to work 12 hour shifts.
So, that is going to take some work, getting my strength up enough that I can go back to work.

I *did* go snow shoeing yesterday and that was a blast (pictures will be up in the gallery soon.)
But that wore me out a lot too.
I don’t have as much stamina as regular people, but it’s way better than when I couldn’t walk to the store.

Little by little, things are sliding back into place.
And that’s good.

 Posted by at 9:08 pm

  3 Responses to “Where’s it at?”

  1. Spike,

    Learning to pace oneself is not an easy task but it is very important so you don’t exhaust yourself. Knowing how we used to be and wanting to be that way again drives us. Please be gentle with yourself. It will all come in time, just like your hair :-)


  2. It’s kinda weird, ain’t it?

    To jump and down with glee over being told that a horrible disease could jump out at you at any time within the next seven years… because it’s so much better than actually *having* the damn thing.

    Scrambles my poor brains….

  3. Hi Spike~

    i ‘get this’ about ‘remission’ & time frames & ‘remission’ & …cuz i walked this path with my mom.

    Anytime you might like to talk vent or just have a good ‘ol lol please feel free to contact me.

    In the meantime ‘Congrats’ on your *Courage* & current health status …despite that it was/is not a ‘chosen’ life & mind altering challenge.

    Take Care & please *pace* yourself within the framework of the new you -k.

    Wolf …aka NightWolf.

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